Rituals, the expat way! How do you celebrate important moments?

Hi,

I have just managed to celebrate my own birthday among family and old friends :) It is something I think I had not done since I started living abroad, getting close to 18 years ago… I have always tried to celebrate this date while abroad, but it always came out ‘somewhat different’. Yes, age (or maturity!) also matters: I certainly don’t want to have the same birthday parties I had when I was 12 ;) Yet the feeling was always a bit different.

This reminded me of rituals and how important they can be in any society and culture. They suggest to us what is meaningful and valued in that context, though ‘tradition’ can often sweep in as an invisible source for shared activities that no one consciously accepts to follow. Rituals can include a wide range of shared practices, from exchanging rings, certain objects, or gestures (ex, greetings), songs, dances, and (yup!) special food and drink.

In any case, we all tend to celebrate major life events, such as birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, etc, as well as more specific cultural or religious events (Christmas, Holi, Bar Mitzvas and baptisms, Ramadan, Eid, New Year, etc).

Once you start moving across countries, and especially going across cultural borders, it can get quite messy to keep track of all your ‘new home’ rituals and still respect your original ones.

I’ve found expat weddings, those where the bride and groom come from different countries, to be the most challenging ones. As if it were not enough to have to appease 2 different families ;) You have to combine rituals from 2 cultures, often in a third country, which often ends up in something between 1-3 different ceremonies, parties, receptions, etc., often with the need (if not for language, at least) for cultural translations.

So, thinking about this topic of cross-cultural rituals, here are my tips for you this time. Reflect on the following and make your conscious choices:

• What are the rituals you care the most about from your ‘home’ country, which you choose to continue observing?

• What rituals do you most enjoy embracing in your current host country? Or maybe from previous countries (or cities) too…

• Which ones would you prefer NOT to follow (anymore), whether from your home or host country? Which ones do not make sense or are not meaningful enough to you (anymore)?

Ultimately, the challenge is to reflect on how you can turn a ritual into a way to both express what you choose to still carry on from your original country, AND a way to feel more at home in your host country.

Celebrations (tiny or big) are a very important element in our lives, whether in the creation of habits or in feeling more at home in a new place and group (city, country, company, hobby group, …). Linking our chosen rituals with celebration moments can be extremely effective in improving our well-being, but letting go of unwanted/unhelpful rituals can do that too; it opens space for redefining who you are, who you want to be now.

Borrowing and adjusting Stephen Covey’s quote: