On Setting Our Own Bar For Success

How do you define success?

We often hear from others what they believe 'success' is, and what we should do to get it. But do you know what it means to you? What do you need to do, or who do you need to be to feel successful?

Most of us not only thoughtlessly adopt externally-given definitions of success but we also tend to set incredibly high standards for what success means, delaying any form of celebration or mere happiness until we get it: "I'll be successful and happy when I get my promotion", "when my kids go to college", "when I buy that car", or "when I can finally find a partner or be a mother/father". Or "I can't be happy or successful unless everyone appreciates me", "I am in control at all times", "if others don't challenge me" or "if I show no signs of vulnerability". 

Instead of delaying your happiness, challenge yourself to revise your definition of success. Ideally, start by identifying what your core values are. Then, define - and, if necessary revise - the beliefs you have been holding about success and the rules (conditions) you have been using to define when you are already being successful. 

For example, if freedom is one of your core values and thus you aim to 'Promote freedom' or 'Live in freedom' as one of your top core values, then answer this question: "When will you already be living in freedom?" or "be already promoting freedom?" 

Here are some options: you can say you are living in freedom only when you can speak freely all the time, have no fear/worry at all for your safety and you can live in any country you would like or... you can say it is happening anytime you express your opinion or feelings, or anytime you can sleep well at night or when you are free to decide to move to a different country. You are promoting freedom anytime you encourage a child to think for him/herself, whenever you sign a petition, or every time you give the example and vote in an election.

Are you living in a world of conditions and absolutes and universals (only when, all the time, everyone, any, none at all) or one that celebrates any positive experience and event? Are you setting up yourself for failure or for success? You can actually decide what success means to you and how high the bar is; check the words you are using. Remember: success (even small ones) tends to breed further success... Build up to it, one step at a time, every time, any time ;) ! Throw away what does not serve you, adjust when necessary and be faithful to what is most essential to you!