On Making Big Decisions

Though not often in our lives, every now and then we are all faced with decisions which we know have the potential for a major (positive or negative) impact in our lives.

Deciding to move to another country, to quit your job or to start a completely new career or your own business definitely fit in that list (you could also easily add: getting together with/separated from a partner, deciding to have children, and retirement). And it’s really scary to make these big decisions!! That’s OK. 

Because of the risks involved, our brain can perceive these moments as a (psychological) threat and activate our instinctive fight or flight (or freeze) impulses. It’s good to recognise the risk, but most likely there is no real danger or immediate threat to your well-being; acknowledge that too. Still, it will not help you if you choose to avoid, procrastinate or delegate such decision to another person. This is your career and/or life and, no matter how well another person might know you, only you will be able to judge what feels like a good path ahead for you.

Achieving full certainty of the path is impossible - unless you’ve found that mysterious crystal ball ;) . This uncertainty is partially was scares us so much, yet the only way to avoid it would be to do nothing (and even then, you might not be in a good place anyway).

Below are a few tips to help you get started with ‘big decision moments. There's plenty of advice online on this topic but some of the essential points mentioned below are often forgotten...

Take one step at a time. 

Keep it small, keep it easy, keep it scheduled/planned in your agenda ;)

• Be clear - What exactly is this decision about? What and who is really involved?

•  Are you in an empowering state of mind to reflect about and eventually make that decision? If you are feeling anxious, stressed, angry, etc., it is advisable to 'ground' yourself first. Positive emotions are welcome, 'negative' ones will not be helpful. Take some deep breaths, go for a walk, spend some minutes meditating - in shorter, quieten your inner critic and instead activate your 'wise voice'.

• What are your options? Have you thought enough ‘out of the box’? (Hold all judgment at this point!)

• What are the important criteria to look at when comparing the options? Which options align with who you are (core values/mission), your current life/career priorities, etc?   If the decision is about your career, you can use this free template to help you organise your thoughts around the most important career criteria.

• What information do you need to be able to make a decision? Do you have it all already? If not, how can you acquire it? Do you want to talk with someone or ask for opinions?

• When is the best moment to make the decision? Is there an externally-given deadline? If not, what would be a reasonable one? Give yourself enough time to reflect but also a deadline, to avoid analysis paralysis and feeling overwhelmed by the entire process.

• When will you take a break and relax? Complex or difficult decisions often take time and can't be done in 'one go; this means you need to be mindful about your energy levels and about replenishing them regularly. There's a reason why you should never go supermarket shopping when you are feeling hungry ;) 

• What are the first 3 small steps you need to take right now? Are you ready to decide, need to collect more info, start the implementation process, need some extra support, what? 

• Finally, how will you celebrate (in a big or tiny way, but as soon as possible afterwards) when you have made your decision and/or start taking action? Give your brain a nice reward for having completed a scary job ;) It will feel easier the next time…

May your decisions be wise! :)  Whether the results will meet your hopes and expectations or not, there will be no failure.