Motivation When You’re ‘Fine’ But Stuck: Autonomy, Mastery, Purpose — and What’s Missing (for international professionals)

If any of these lines feel familiar, you’re not alone.

For many international professionals and leaders, the hardest seasons aren’t the dramatic ones — they’re the ones that look 'successful' from the outside, while something inside quietly disengages.

You might be doing everything 'right'. You might even be grateful. And still… you feel flat.

One of the most useful frameworks I’ve found (years ago, though it was only recently I read the book) for understanding this comes from Daniel H. Pink’s book Drive, which explores what actually fuels sustainable motivation.

Pink highlights 3 core drivers:

• Autonomy: having agency and choice,

• Mastery: getting better at something that matters,

• Purpose: feeling connected to meaning beyond the task list.

For international professionals, there’s often a fourth ingredient too: belonging — feeling seen, safe, and understood.

When one (or more) of these is missing, motivation doesn’t always disappear dramatically.

It often fades quietly.

You keep performing — but you stop feeling alive.

And if you’re an expat, an international leader, or someone who has built a career across borders, this can be even more confusing. Because you’ve already proven you can adapt, achieve, and push through.

So when the internal drive drops, many people assume something is wrong with them.

Usually, it’s not. It’s a signal.

Autonomy isn’t about doing whatever you want, whenever you want.

It’s about feeling that you have meaningful choice.

International professionals often lose autonomy in subtle ways:

• You moved for a partner’s job, and your career became 'secondary';

• You’re in a role that looks impressive, but your days are dictated by others;

• You’ve adapted so much to a new culture that you’ve stopped asking what you want;

• You’re constantly translating yourself — professionally and personally.

Many high-achievers get stuck not because they’re failing… but because they’re no longer learning. You might be competent, reliable, and respected. But inside, you feel like you’re repeating the same week.

Mastery requires challenge — but not chaos. It’s the sweet spot where you’re stretching, improving, and building skill in a direction that matters.

International careers can interrupt mastery in both directions:

• You’re over-stretched (new system, new language, new expectations),

• Or you’re under-stretched (you’ve outgrown the role, but it’s comfortable).

Ask yourself:

• What skill am I currently developing — on purpose?

• Where do I feel bored because I’m under-challenged?

• Where do I feel drained because I’m over-compensating?

Pick one area where you want to feel more capable.

Then choose 1 small practice:

• a short course,

• a weekly feedback conversation,

• a stretch project,

• a deliberate networking step...

Not because you “should”. Because you want to feel yourself moving again.

Purpose doesn’t have to be grand. It can be quiet. It can be personal.

But it does need to feel real.

When people say “I’m not making any impact”, they’re often not asking for a promotion.

They’re asking for meaning.

And meaning can get diluted when you’re living internationally:

• You’re far from the communities that used to ground you,

• Your identity feels fragmented across cultures,

• You’re successful, but you’re not sure what you’re building towards anymore :(

Ask yourself:

• Who benefits from my work — in a way I genuinely care about?

• What do I want to stand for in this season of my life?

• If I keep going like this for 2 years, what will it cost me?

Write one sentence: “In this season, I want my work and life to be in service of…”

Don’t overthink it. Just tell the truth.

This is the part that often gets missed in classic motivation frameworks. Because for international professionals, motivation isn’t only about agency, growth, and meaning — it’s also about belonging.

Belonging isn’t about being popular. It’s about feeling you can be yourself without constantly translating, performing, or proving.

When belonging is thin, even a ‘good’ job can start to feel heavy. You may notice:

• You’re always adapting your communication style, but rarely feel truly understood;

• You’re surrounded by people, yet feel oddly alone;

• You keep ‘showing up’, but you don’t feel met;

• You’re competent — but you don’t feel fully trusted or recognised;

• You miss the ease of being with people who ‘get’ you without effort.

And here’s the tricky part: when you don’t feel you belong, you often compensate by over-functioning. You become more productive, more agreeable, more polished.

But not more energised.

Ask yourself:

• Where do I feel most like myself — and where do I feel I’m 'performing'?

• Who do I feel safe being honest with (without over-explaining)?

• What kind of room, team, or community would help me breathe again?

Choose 1 small move towards real connection:

• message one person you trust and suggest a walk/coffee,

• join one community where you don’t have to ‘prove’ your right to be there,

• in your next meeting, say one sentence that’s more you than usual.

Belonging doesn’t always arrive as a feeling first. Sometimes it starts as a decision: I’m going to place myself where I can be met.

I’ve worked with many international professionals who look 'sorted' from the outside (I've been there myself!).

They have the job title, the relocation story, the resilience, the competence. And yet, privately, they feel disconnected :( Sometimes they feel guilty for wanting more. Sometimes they feel ashamed for feeling flat.

But this isn’t a character flaw. It’s often a sign that your motivation system is asking to be updated.

Not because you’re failing. Because you’re evolving.

If you want a simple way to begin, choose one driver to focus on this week:

• Autonomy: one choice you reclaim.

• Mastery: one skill you deliberately build.

• Purpose: one sentence of truth about what matters now.

• Belonging: one step towards a place (or person) where you can be fully yourself.

Small shifts, consistently applied, create momentum.

If you stopped trying to look ‘fine’ and started listening to what’s true… what would you admit you need next — in your work and in your life? And who do you need it with?

If you’re an international professional or leader who feels stuck — even though life looks 'good' — coaching can help you reconnect to clarity, confidence, and forward movement.

• Book a Strategy Call

• or subscribe to the 'Seeds for Growth & Joy' newsletter

If you’d like, reply and tell me which of the 4 drivers feels most depleted right now: autonomy, mastery, purpose or belonging. I’ll point you to a simple first step!