Choosing What Truly Matters Abroad: Aligning Your Life with Your Core Values

Living abroad is an adventure. It’s exciting, full of new opportunities, and often deeply transformative. But it can also be confusing, exhausting, and, at times, lonely. You’re constantly navigating cultural differences, new social norms, and professional expectations that don’t always align with what you value. In the midst of all this change, a question quietly emerges: what are you willing to endure for the life you truly want?

This idea might sound strange at first. “Endure?” “Suffer?” Who wants that? But not all discomfort is bad. In fact, some forms of discomfort are precisely what make a life meaningful. While his style is not quite my favourite one, in his book 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck' Mark Manson talks about choosing what to care about—what to “suffer for”. It’s about consciously deciding which challenges, sacrifices, and efforts are worth taking on because they lead you closer to a life that reflects who you truly are.

For internationals, this question is particularly pressing. Every choice—whether to relocate, pursue a demanding role abroad, or maintain ties with your home culture—comes with costs. But these costs aren’t meaningless. They become worth it when aligned with your core values.

[If you’re still exploring your core values, I’ve written about how to identify them here. In this article, we’ll go further: how to live by them, even when it’s hard.]

Core values are like a compass. They help you navigate decisions, priorities, and inevitable trade-offs, especially in unfamiliar environments. When you know what matters most, you can make choices more confidently, even in situations full of ambiguity.

For international professionals, values often intersect across different domains, for example:

• Career-focused values: Ambition, mastery, impact.

• Lifestyle values: Adventure, independence, connection.

• Personal or ethical values: Honesty, curiosity, contribution.

Imagine two expatriates facing a similar challenge: one is asked to relocate to a less desirable city for a career promotion, and the other to take on a demanding project overseas. One prioritises stability and family connection, while the other values professional growth and adventure. Both face discomfort, but their choices—and the effort they’re willing to endure—differ because of their core values.

Your values clarify not just what to pursue, but also what to say no to. This clarity is vital when juggling cultural expectations, career demands, or social pressures abroad. It transforms “should I?” into “do I want to?”—a subtle shift that makes decision-making more intentional and less reactive.

Knowing your values is one thing; living by them is another. To connect values with effort, try reflecting on the following questions:

1. What challenges would I gladly take on for long-term fulfilment?

   • Think beyond immediate comfort. For example, would you spend evenings networking to build a career that excites you, even if it feels draining?

2. What would I refuse to compromise, even if an easier option exists?

   • Maybe it’s integrity in your work, or staying connected with loved ones despite geographical distance.

Here's a simple, practical exercise: list your (top) 3–5 core values, then next to each write the sacrifices, discomforts, or efforts you’d accept to honour them. Be concrete.

For instance:

• Connection: I will schedule weekly calls with family even on busy days.

• Growth: I will volunteer for challenging projects that stretch me.

• Adventure: I will explore new cities and cultures, even if it means being uncomfortable.

By doing this, you turn abstract ideals into actionable commitments. You start consciously choosing what discomfort you’re willing to bear—and why it’s worth it.

Living abroad often tempts us to follow other people’s definitions of success or avoid discomfort wherever possible. You might chase superficial markers: a high salary, a fancy title, or approval from colleagues. But without values as your guide, these choices can feel hollow, no matter how impressive they seem from the outside.

Aligning decisions with your core values provides 2 crucial advantages:

1. Clarity in uncertainty: When you know what matters, even confusing or stressful situations have a framework. You can make choices confidently instead of reacting impulsively.

2. Resilience in difficulty: Life abroad is unpredictable. Challenges will come (I'll guarantee you that). When your efforts are meaningful, you are more motivated, patient, and persistent.

Small, practical steps make a big difference:

• Review decisions regularly: Ask yourself, at least every month: “Does this align with my values?”

• Seek supportive communities: Find mentors, friends, or groups abroad who share your values or encourage them.

• Say 'No' strategically: Not every opportunity deserves your effort. Saying 'No' protects your energy for what truly matters.

Consciously choosing what to endure—and what not to—is an empowering act. It transforms discomfort from a threat into a tool for growth and fulfilment.

Living abroad will always challenge you. It will stretch you in ways that are exciting and, at times, uncomfortable. The question isn’t whether challenges exist—it’s which ones you choose to take on.

By understanding your core values and connecting them to the efforts you’re willing to make, you gain a compass for life and work abroad. You start saying 'yes' to what matters and 'no' to what doesn’t. You turn inevitable discomfort into meaningful action.

So, reflect today: what are you willing to endure for the life you truly want? The answer might just guide your next step, your next career move, or your next meaningful connection abroad.

[For a deeper dive into discovering your core values, check out my previous article here or book a call to see how I could support you in exploring them further.]